While driving to school today, and praying to God after what seems like a long time since I prayed about this issue, perhaps my attempt to escape from addressing this with God, I felt a nudge to bring it up, to open up this can of worms. And I found no worms when I opened the lid, but enlightenment and relief.
I realize that the more I want something, the more I should give it up to God. It is exactly because I want something so much, that I should give it up all the more to God, because He can handle it in the best way possible. I realize that in my whole life, things that I really wanted, had been given graciously by God after days and nights of prayers, and the process of letting go.
After I thoroughly let go, then I received. I received perhaps not what I initially wanted, but then it became something I truly wanted. Or more like, sometimes I received what I really wanted at that time, and realized that maybe that wasn't what I wanted, but it was something I ended up needing. For example, my Ross Business School application. I wanted to enter to badly, but when I entered, I thought I made a huge mistake. Later on, I realized that this was something I needed badly. Or even my UMich application. I wanted to enter USC so much more, but ended up receiving something better than USC by entering UMich, and then getting a graduate degree in USC instead. I could only look back and say, "That's God!"
So I should give up to God this rock in my heart that is becoming a burden a little too heavy for me to bear. He knows my desires, and He shall grant me whatever is best. Theoretically sounds really easy, but I needed a reminder of all the wishes He has granted me in the past to make me surrender once again.
But this is different from being idle. Plans are necessary to get the thing that you desire. What I mean by giving up, is the fact that if what you wanted is not realized, you are okay with it, with a full understanding and a trusting faith that God knows what He is doing, and what He is doing will always result in the best outcome possible.
So I pray that you too, will be able to give it up to God the thing you desire the most, exactly because you want it so badly.