Saturday, April 16, 2011

Capacity

Every night I pray that God will give me wisdom, humility, meekness, and a heart filled with gratitude.

I am not wise because many times I do and say the right things at the wrong time and the wrong things at the right time. I am not humble because I am often overly confident of my abilities to get things dong in a perfect manner. I am not meek because I have my own strong opinions on many things and I stand on the side of justice, so I often fight for these principles. I am not grateful because I always forget what I have and complain about the things I do not or cannot have.

I am wise because many people come and consult me for advice, and I can help connect the dots and help them find the answer they are looking for with non-judgmental eyes (or at least I suppress these judgments while my brain is at work). I am humble because I seek help when I cannot contain my workload and admit my weaknesses when I hate to. I am meek because I listen and obey my family's requests, following faithfully the duties and expectations thrown at me. I am grateful because every morning I give thanks for another chance to live.

Maybe this is an issue of capacity.

It is not whether I have or not have it. It is about expanding my capacity for these things: to gain more wisdom, more humility, and to be more meek and grateful. It is the process of stretching the magnitude of these virtues, so they can be applied to all aspects of my life, and I will breathe wisdom, humility, meekness, and a heart of gratitude.

This makes me more hopeful, because in retrospect, I can see these virtues growing in me in the past couple of years, and so I can expect that I will grow even more in these things if I were to faithfully seek them the way I have been.

Similarly, don't lose hope if we have been praying for patience or passion, or any other virtues in our life that we seem to not have, because these things are growing in us at the moment we asked for them from God. But exactly because it is growing, we won't see much of the difference until something in our life requires that virtue to act, that we will realize it has been there all along, growing silently and permeating into all parts of our lives.

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