Monday, September 13, 2010

From the Heart

I was waiting for the elevator up from the basement parking when there was a car that stopped in front of the elevator door. Two Korean middle-aged men came out and started lifting heavy boxes (seemed like DIY furnitures).

Out of kindness, I asked, "Do you need help?" When one of them said, "Oh, yes," I froze. I was unsure how I should help. I didn't know what I should say next. Sensing my confusion, he asked again, "Sorry, can you repeat that?" Apparently his English was not good and he could not understand me the first time. So I repeat my question, "Can I help?". This time, he said, "Oh, no no, it's okay, thank you". Strangely, I felt relief, somehow.

Then the conviction came. Did I really want to help, or did I want to seem like I want to help?

I looked back and realized that so many times in life, I have offered help because I could foresee them being refused. And hey, at least I offered - better than those that didn't, right? Wrong. That's the first sign of hypocrisy, I think. The first sign of turning into the Bible's oh-so-famous Pharisee. You see the goodness outside, but inside the cup it's dirty.

Thank God for this incident that caught me off-guard, making me realize that I need to start wanting to help people sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, not just out of courtesy. Oh God, give me a genuinely kind heart.

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