Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jump of Faith

I did it out of spontaneity and curiosity. What does it feel like up there, when I watch the world and the people from a great distance? How does it feel like up there?

The world looked small. I felt small. The ocean stopped at the horizon; I still could not catch the other end of it. The houses, offices, streets, they don't seem to matter anymore. The air was fresh and cool. The wind against my face made it a little hard to breathe. The world that God created was so beautiful. I felt like I was flying.

When it ended, it felt surreal: what was I thinking, dropping myself from 13,000 feet? When I watched myself jumping out of the plane, I wondered, was I crazy? My knees still went weak. My mind could not comprehend the different emotions and thoughts being triggered: fear, anxiety, surrender, surprise, joy, being breathlessly in awe, etc.

At the top, I learned that fear is... when I am full of myself. I feared of ME falling, ME getting hurt, ME not landing safely, ME, ME, ME... Then a random thought came into my mind: perhaps this is how we should face life. Life's unpredictability is fearful, it brushes your face against the cold. But if we surrender and trust God, who knows what He is doing, He will ensure the parachute will open when it is ready. So while we freefall and live our hard lives, why don't we just trust God, while enjoying the view and the whole process? We will get there anyway, somehow.

But the experience was more than what words could describe. It was like meeting God mid-air while overseeing His creations. I wonder if this was how Adam felt, while he was at the top of the hill, looking down on God's creations and naming them?

When I landed, I realized that perhaps all my life I've been crazy, perhaps I have asked for the impossible, but because I did, I felt like I have walked on water. My faith's journey was like the cycle of me sinking into the water and God reaching out to rescue me, so that I could continue. Thank you, my God.

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